My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
