I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
