You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
