I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My liver just broke up with me...
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
