you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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