my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
