sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
