i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
