I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
