The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
