you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
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If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
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And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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