He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
