Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
