I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
