Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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