Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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