Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
