Me too!
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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