The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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