I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
