It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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