It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
