I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
