Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
