Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
