I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
