I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
