Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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