The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
