i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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