wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
