You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
