He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
whose parrot is this?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
