she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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