Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
