She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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