He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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