I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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