I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
