If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
