i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
