Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Randomize
