She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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