Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
we should paint friendship bongs
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