it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
