My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
