One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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