wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
your room smells of hookers.
And success
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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