what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
