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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
