AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
