Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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