And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
