I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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