Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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