so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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