Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
