Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
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MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
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Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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