I understand Curling. That high.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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