I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
