...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
