Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
