I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
