I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
