When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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