Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
