I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
