i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
oh god the rape fog is back!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
