Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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