you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
pray to the hookup gods
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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