We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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