There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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