Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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