I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
