i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You have to summon your inner elephant
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
