my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
