why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
