is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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