I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
