Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
