You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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