you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
