I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
