I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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