I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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